"I wasn't that drunk yesterday." "Oh boy， you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying."
Women really know how to hold a grudge. My wife asked me to pass her a lip balm. And by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue. It’s been a month now and she’s still not speaking to me!
hold a grudge 记仇耿耿于怀记恨怀恨在心
How can you tell you have a really bad case of acne?
It’s when the blind try to read your face.
acne [皮肤] 痤疮，[皮肤] 粉刺
Boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!
Boy:That the potato should go in the front.
Sometimes it is very important if a sentence was said by a man or awoman. A good example: “I used a whole pack of tissues during that awesome movie yesterday!”
Two elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to theother: “I really don’t get how he can feed himself with that thing!”
Whenmy wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighborscan see there's no domestic violence going on.